I’ve always considered myself to be a laid back, easy-going parent. As a mother of two strong willed, stubborn girls, I’ve learned when to be tough and when to simply let things go. I would certainly never consider myself to be a strict parent but shortly before school was cancelled due to the Covid-19 pandemic, I had another parent point out to me that I was pretty strict with my girls.
This came as a new revelation to me. This parent wasn’t insulting me in anyway. She was just pointing out something that she observed. I had pointedly pulled my daughter aside, reminding her rather bluntly to remember her manners and to not argue me with when I ask her to wait. In that moment, I’m sure I came across as a strict, authoritarian-like mom. I’m not sure if the other parent agreed with my actions or not. The truth is, I really don’t care.
I can put up with a lot. I’m super relaxed about most things in my crazy household but I have a limit…a boundary so to speak. I don’t allow my daughters to be rude to me. I literally can’t stand it and I won’t tolerate it! In this one area I suppose, I’m just that, strict! There is nothing in the parenting world that makes me angrier then blatant disrespect. At my house, despite our easy going rules and carefree humor, my daughters talking down to me, does not happen. When it starts, because it does, I shut it down immediately.
We don’t have a rigorous schedule at our home. I don’t have chore charts and limits on screen time. My kids listen to all different genres of music. They watch Disney Descendants, Star Wars and read the Harry Potter books. I allow them to play outside without supervision since we live on five private acres. Most days, especially because we are social distancing at our home, they run around our property, chasing our chickens like little feral animals.
I cook healthy meals most nights of the weeks while indulging in occasional fast food and the classic frozen lasagna. I find nothing wrong with school lunches and could care less if they enjoy a chocolate milk with their school pizza. I don’t care if their rooms are a mess just as long as they do a reasonable clean-up a few times a month. I don’t even have them make their beds in the morning. It’s just not something that’s important to me.
We have a no shoe rule in our home but if they happen to walk in and stomp all through the house with their shoes on, I don’t freak out. If they brought dirt into the house, I simply hand them a broom and dust pan. They still don’t bring their plates to the sink after dinner. I’ve tried to train them. I really have! I still expect robot like behavior from them but for some reason, I still have to remind them each and every day. You know what, I’m all right with it.
It’s like a said before, I’m a ridiculously laid back parent.
I’m far from perfect. I struggle each and every day with my parenting decisions but I’ve seen a growing trend with parents of tweens and teenagers. Rudeness is overlooked and excused. I get it…parenting is tough and sometimes you have to choose your battles. Kids, especially teenagers shouldn’t be expected to plaster on a fake smile and suppress their emotions. However, having a child that talks down to you and disrespects every word you say…especially in public. It seems to me that’s a battle worth fighting. That’s a battle that needs to be won. That’s why I’m putting in all this effort now!
My daughters are freely encouraged to express their emotions. They have every right to be mad, sad, hurt and annoyed. They’re allowed to be snarky and sarcastic. Our household thrives off witty humor so it comes as no surprise when they give me and my husband a sarcastic little quip about being asked to put the laundry away. They can be stubborn and stick up for themselves. They can openly disagree with something. We encourage open conversations at our house but they are not allowed to take it out on us…especially me!
I’m mom. I’m not a punching bag. I gave birth to them. I think I’ve earned that respect!
If my children cannot give me the slightest measure of respect, then how will they respect their teachers, their future co-workers and bosses? How will they ever function in a world where they can’t always get their way? How will they treat their spouses and family members someday?
If another parent thinks I’m strict because I ask for respect then oh well! I’m their mom. I created them and I feel that teaching them basic respect is my duty. Respect is also mutual. As their parent, I do my best to always respect them in the same way my parent’s raised and respected me.
My oldest daughter is quickly approaching the teenage years so it’s entirely possible that I’m completely sticking my foot in my mouth. If I am, that’s all right! I will still demand respect and we’ll work through it together. At some point, these lessons, these examples will shine through the murky waters of adolescents. My daughters are worth the struggle and they certainly are worth fighting for.
