I wish someone would have told me about how incredible my thirties were going to be. I wish I wouldn’t have spent the last few years of my twenties dreading turning thirty. I really believed at that time that somehow my life would be over and that I would never be able to enjoy anything again. I realize now how ridiculous and selfish that sounds but it was honestly how I felt.
My twenties always felt like a struggle. Everything was an uphill battle where you take one step forward and then two steps back. I was a broke college student with absolutely no idea of what to do with my life. My writing career was just a distant dream. I became a wife to a man in the service. I dealt with deployments and constant fear.
I started my first career in a job I hated. We bought a house at a young age and dealt with the financial burdens of home ownership. The 2008 recession put our career goals on hold. I gave birth to two children, dealing with diapers and all nights. My emotions were raw and on my sleeve. I dealt with depression and anxiety. Turning thirty just seemed like another burden.
What I didn’t understand is that there is wisdom in growing older. A knowledge that you’ve survived and can accomplish anything. An unburdening of fear. I felt this at last. I discovered who I am. I love having elementary age children. Despite the difficulties it’s a gift watching your babies become tiny humans. Their milestones become your milestones.
You can also let go. You can sometimes sleep in. I get more sleep now than ever before. All the hard work, my husband and I put into our jobs, paid off at last. We became financially stable. We can afford to vacation and take time off when needed.
I no longer care what other people think. I don’t have the time for it. My life is too special and short. I have next to no shame. If I’m dropping my kids off at school in my pajamas, I can care less what the car behind me thinks. I feel no guilt in having that second glass of wine after a hard day. I’ve finally learned to cut off toxic relationships. I don’t need the drama or the stress. I dealt with that too often in my twenties. I chose for it to end.
If I need help, I ask for it. There is no shame in that. I forced the Fed-Ex guy to bring a large heavy box into my house because I was in a hurry and I couldn’t risk it being stolen. He tried to say no and I just wouldn’t let him. I worked my magic and got my way! Once again, I don’t really care how annoying he thought I was.
I confront problems straight on. I’ve learned to be assertive and to not accept negativity from anyone. I created my own workout routine and I’ve stuck to it. I even like my body post children more than I did before. I look back and I was too skinny. I ate steamed vegetables every night and choked down chicken in an effort to look the way I thought was sexy. I’ve finally realized that true beauty comes from the inside. It has curves, stretch marks, wrinkles and gray hairs. It’s a testament to how far you’ve come!
I see young people in their twenties, I smile at how clueless they seem. I sympathize with their troubles but I would never go back. Not in a million years! I like the way I am right now at this very moment. I know it will end but until then I’m going to embrace every moment!
