I know parenting shouldn’t be a competition and it never has in our house. Up until recently I have always been the fun parent, the super relaxed parent, the parent who taught the kids the Cha Cha Slide and still jumps on the trampoline like I’m eleven years old. I’m the parent the kids typically write about at school. I’m the one they come running to with some little drawing they created just for me.
My husband has always had a strenuous job with long hours. He’s a fun dad and a great parent but let’s be honest, for the last seven years since I became a stay-at-home mom, I’m on the frontlines…twenty-four seven with the kids. My weekends are not relaxing…if I’m not hauling them to sports games then I’m playing with them…entertaining them…arranging playdates and trying to do everything in my power to keep them away from the TV.
I have to plan my writing schedule around their schedules so it usually eats into the time I should be sleeping or otherwise be spending with my husband. Then…all of a sudden, Bam! Life as we had grown accustomed to changed. COVID-19 took over!
I’m not angry about social distancing…I think closing the schools was a wise choice. I feel terrible for the economic loses everyone is experiencing. I know that people need to go back to work and businesses need to reopen but it’s a difficult decision…weighing public health against an economy that’s suffering. There is no easy answer to all of this.
All of a sudden, my role as caretaker, homemaker, and playmate has taken on the extra job of teacher. One would think, I’m well suited for this job…think again! I suck! I mean I really suck at this. My kids have started to loathe me. I see them cringe as soon as breakfast ends and I tell them to open their chromebooks.
Between the tears of having to write an essay and preaching about the importance of adding details to a paragraph and learning to count money, which for some reason is really difficult for some kids, they think I’m awful! I’ve been reduced to chopped liver and they no longer want to play with me. For the first time in my life, I’m okay with this because my husband has started taking on the role of playmate.
He’s working from home and although he’s working a full day, he has more time…he’s not stuck in traffic packed commutes, he’s not choking down his lunch between meetings. He’s able to finish a full cup of coffee. He can sleep in if he needs to and basically go to bed whenever he wants. He’s relaxed and actually pretty happy.
He’s started playing with the kids. Every evening, he takes them outside to play football and Frisbee. He takes them for walks around our property. He has massive tickle fights with them each night. I listen to him as he tells them stories about his childhood. He planned a bonfire one night and asked me to pick up some hot dogs and marshmallows to roast! He planned an activity with the kids that didn’t involve me!
I’ve never felt such unburdening relief! I’m totally cool with not being the favorite parent anymore because it was a lot of pressure and I was crumbling under that pressure! I hadn’t realized that the stress of remote schooling was going to cause me to revert into depression.
I don’t feel bad about admitting this either. I love my children but I can’t remain on this pedestal any longer!
Marriage is not always a fifty-fifty situation. Sometimes it’s more like a sixty-forty or an eighty-twenty. Sometimes you just have to bend yourself to whatever your spouse is doing. I took over most roles in our household because my husband was working sixty plus hours a week. I stopped sleeping in because he wasn’t sleeping at all! In the early years of our marriage, he worked to put me through school, sometimes working two jobs. He spent hours building a website for me because I needed an emotional outlet. He takes care of me and pampers me when I’m sick. Our relationship is a give and take. We love each other unconditionally.
The kids have plenty of memories with fun Mom so I’m more than happy to watch as they make memories with fun Dad!
And maybe…just maybe…when they do return to school, they will have a new appreciation for it.
