My friends, we are living in strange times. When my daughters ask me questions about the pandemic such as…When will school start again? When can we have a playdate? When can we go to the movies again? How long do we have to stay at home? When do I get to see my friends again? Why can’t grandma and papa come and visit? I tell them the truth and I admit to them (for the first time in my parenting life) that I honestly don’t know.
I recently reminded them that what you are experiencing is something that’s new, even for Mom and Dad. You’re experiencing a moment in history that you will never forget and someday, God willing, you will tell your grandchildren about the COVID-19 pandemic, where everything closed and you had to stay at home.
My husband and I try to live our lives with humor even in the worst of times. This pandemic does feel like the worst of times but there is still plenty of humor to be found in our simple day to day lives while social distancing. Here is a collection of the funny things my family has done while stuck in quarantine.
I shaved my husband’s head on our front porch to the laughing shrieks of our daughters.
My husband cut both of our daughters hair on the front porch as I secretly cringed.
Our toaster broke so out of desperation and a tempting sweet tooth, I attempted to broil a pop tart in the oven. It resulted in a near oven fire, a smoke filled house and a pan sitting in our yard with a charbroiled rectangle stinking up the yard.
I go into town once a week and report on the local toilet paper situation. If I happen to find any…I get a standing ovation from my family upon entry into our home.
We discovered one of our hens is actually a rooster.
I made communion bread for Sunday service and it came out doughy and half-cooked. We choked it down with grape juice.
My husband was attempting to trim his eyebrows and accidentally shaved one off. To try and look more normal, he shaved the other one off. I’m now married to a man with a shaved head, full beard and missing eye brows. I’m a lucky woman!
I read my daughters Edgar Allen Poe’s, “The Raven,” and I’m basically sure I gave them nightmares.
My daughter and I accidentally created a dirty mad lib!
My daughter had a baby tooth that was refusing to come out and before quarantine it broke in half. We were told if it doesn’t come out in two weeks, she’d have to have it pulled. With all the dental offices closed, I plucked it out myself using fingers and a napkin. And before everyone gets all judgy on me, I was a dental assistant for seven years and the tooth was already hanging by a thread!
My daughter had a face time play date.
I was hit on by three different men at the small mini-mart by our house. I think social distancing was getting to them too.
I witnessed a young man walk through the grocery store in a gas mask.
I watched Law and Order SVU with my best friend over text message.
My husband and I have a romantic walk each night…out to our chicken coop.
Our families new pass time is watching the cat hunt each evening.
A game of frisbee turned into a blood sport with face plants, hits to the face and toppling over backwards in the gravel.
While attempting a Zoom meeting with my oldest daughter’s teacher and classmates, I screamed shut-up to my youngest who was throwing a temper tantrum. There is a slightly awful chance, that her entire class heard me!
I picked a fight with my husband over a dream! I thought it actually happened and I couldn’t figure out why he had no memory of the offense.
This funny incident goes to my mom and her crazy group of friends. Out of desperation and because she reasoned they were all women, she purposely drove through a bikini barista espresso stand and was greeted by a young lady who used nothing but electrical tape to cover up her nipples. I think they saw a little more than they bargained for but hey…they got their caffeine fix!
My husband and I mowed the lawn for the first time this year in seventy-five degree weather. He downed three water bottles after feeling dehydrated and promptly puked it all up on the grass. After he finished being sick, we sat together on the lawn watching the sunset, laughing and talking as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Even with his eyebrows missing and the fact I’ve gone partially insane, we still find each other incredibly sexy!
This is my new-normal!
I’m hoping that someday when this is all over and a semblance of normal life has returned. I can raise my glass up high and give a toast to the all the weird and funny things we did while in quarantine. I’m just praying it won’t be over Zoom!
