There are many articles and blog posts on the internet today shedding light on a difficult decision that we as parents have to make.
Do you allow sleepovers or not?
When I gave birth to my first daughter, I knew instantly what that answer would be. No! Never! I would never allow my child to sleep over at a friends house. Even if you trust that family, you have no control over who might come over. There could be a family member who visits, a drop-in visitor with sudden access to your child or and I say this with difficulty, an older brother. There is even the fear of bullying, especially if it is a sleepover with multiple children.
What I discovered in my google search, looking at both christian and secular sites was a general consensus. Sleepover’s can be dangerous. There are some families that are adamantly against them while others feel forbidding sleepovers is overreacting.
There is an immense amount of peer pressure and bullying that your child could experience at a sleepover. Children can be absolutely cruel and it puts your children at risk of being hurt by sexual predators. On the other hand, it can be a wonderfully fun experience. A part of growing up.
There was also a wealth of great advice in navigating this situation while not allowing your child to be left out. Let your child stay for a late-night party, let them bring their sleeping bag, enjoy the activities and pick them up at eleven. Another great piece of advice was to offer to have the sleepover at your house. At least in that way, you know your child’s safe.
The heartbreaking truth is that my own experience at a sleepover as a young child, had left me traumatized. This was a family we knew and trusted. This was a family that by all accounts was perfectly safe. Over the course of a few sleepovers, I was being groomed by a teenage relative. When the attempts at molestation occurred, I exited that situation as quickly as possible. I tried to tell my mom but this was the early 1990’s. It was such a gray area that I could barely put into words what I thought was happening.
My mom, unsure of what had truly occurred, decided to never send me over to their house again. She never encouraged me to continue friendships with that family. I discovered the heartbreaking truth as an adult, I wasn’t alone.
So, why did I finally allow my daughter to sleepover at friend’s house?
The truthful answer is, my husband and I, over the course of a couple years, made it a point to get to know this family. We asked for transparency. Is there anyone else living at the home or visiting? Any older siblings? What will the activities be? What movies will be watched? What are the values of this family? This is a family who cherishes children, would go to the ends of the earth for any child and understands how precious their lives truly are.
My daughter knew that she could call us anytime, at any point during the night and we would pick her up. We also felt she was at an age that was mature enough to handle being away from us for a night. This family also lives about two minutes away from our house.
We made an exception to our rule out of trust. Our daughter ended up having a wonderful time! I was given hourly updates and sent a few video clips, of the girls rocking out to KIDZ BOP and watching Disney’s Descendants. The following morning, they played out in the garden catching snakes, enjoying childhood, the way they should!
Parenting is a twisting, winding road and we are all traveling towards the same destination. Always trust your instinct. In this day and age, there is no overreacting when it comes to sleep overs. Remember that.
