In honor of my fifty-first blog post, I’m writing the story of what led me here.
I love the black and white honesty of children. I often times feel that children carry with them great wisdom. Sometimes it’s in their honest, simple remarks that can make a profound difference. They can hold you to task and encourage you to follow your own words of advice. I never thought I’d admit this but I owe my job and my blog to a group of kindergarten girls.
I know how funny this sounds but after a conversation from our future world leaders, I actually went home and re-evaluated my life and I’m grateful for it!
I became a stay-at-home mom after the birth of our second daughter. I loved it at first! I was so thankful and blessed to be able to stay home with them. I also went through some darker moments, where I wasn’t sure about the navigation of my own life. I had no idea where I truly was headed and sometimes that was disorienting. I struggled with self-esteem in the beginning and then as my life fell into place, I learned to embrace it.
After we moved away from our hometown, I continued on in my role as a homemaker. My husband was working such long hours that it was almost impossible for me to even consider working. We were also financially stable to a point where a second income wasn’t necessary. As any stay-at-home parent can tell you, it’s no joke. It’s not a life of luxury. It’s hard work but it’s admirable work. Besides taking care of the children and our house, I also was babysitting for extra cash and working on my novels. I also spent a lot of time at the school volunteering in my children’s classrooms.
For the first time in my life, I felt content. I felt at ease with my life and surroundings. I felt beyond blessed and to be honest, for the first time in my life, I became comfortable. I’m not saying this is a bad thing. I think everybody has the same desire, but for me, it caused me to stop reaching out for the impossible. It caused me to stop dreaming. I wasn’t thirsty for anything but my own happy presence. I didn’t even know I was in need of a resurgence of goals until a group of sweet future feminists, pointed it out to me.
About once a week, I would join my kindergartner for lunch. I loved sitting with her group of friends, listening to their little conversations and answering all their sweet questions. They would fight over who would sit by me and give me lots of hugs when I left. I enjoyed it. Then came the day, when they all started talking about what their mom’s did for a living. They went down the line, each girl, stating proudly what their mom did.
My mom’s a nurse. My mom’s a server at a restaurant. My mom works at a college. My mom is a photographer. My mom sells purses and so on…
Then they look at me. “What do you do?”
My daughter looks up at me expectantly.
I smile and see all their little eyes on me. “I’m a stay-at-home mom.” I tell them proudly.
They all give me strange looks. “So, you don’t work?” One girl asks me.
“No, I work. I just work from home.”
“Like a business? You have your own business?”
“No, I take care of the house, dinner, errands, cleaning, and my kids.” I reply
“So, you don’t have a job then?” Another girl chimes in.
“Oh no, I have a job. It’s a lot of work.”
“But, you don’t make any money! That’s not a job.” The same girls says to me.
“Well, I do babysit kids.” I reply feeling a strange need to explain myself.
“So, what do you do all day?” Another girls asks me. “Do you watch TV?”
“No, I don’t watch TV. I work all day long. I just work in my house and I come here to volunteer.”
In a desperate moment, I think about telling them that I write but then they would probably want to know if I’m published. I’m not so I refrain from mentioning that fact.
“So, you don’t do anything?”
I feel my mouth drop open and I look down to see my daughter watching me. I don’t really know what to say. I definitely don’t need to explain myself to a table of five-year-old girls but I’m definitely feeling the third degree.
“She doesn’t do anything.” That same girls whispers to her friend.
My daughter is about to come to my defense when another little girl who had been quietly listening jumps in.
“Ms. so and so does have a job!” She even stands up as she proudly makes a statement in my defense. “My mom says she has the most important job! She takes care of children for a living!”
The table quiets down and they all nod their heads in admiration. I’m trying so hard not to laugh. I’m also in awe. I’m sitting at a table of little girls who already have career goals! I’m sitting at a table of our future leaders!
However, I go home that day and I feel something nagging at me. Maybe I should re-evaluate my life. Maybe I should dream again. There’s more that I can do. Both my children are in school now, maybe I should consider trying something new.
Then it dawns me. The words of that sweet little girl telling everyone at the table that I take care of children for a living, takes root deep within me. I decided right then and there to work for the school district. I now get to make a difference every day in the lives of children. It’s also led me down other paths. Becoming a foster parent being one. It’s also changed the way I write. It led me to this blog where I can let out every emotion, every deep-seeded struggle and every funny, simple story that happens to me in my crazy, family life.
I’m forever grateful for that table of opinionated little girls!
