I’ve written many posts about my youngest daughter’s struggle with anxiety. We always try our best to encourage her to try new things even if they are out of her comfort zone. She took an introductory ballet class over the summer at a large community center and loved it. The calm, quiet music and relaxing atmosphere of the class was exactly what she needed.
After the year started I found another ballet and tap class offered at a community center closer by our home and I signed her up. I had my doubts the first day we arrived. This wasn’t necessarily ballet but more a musical theater class. The rambunctious children ranging in age from 4-7 and the echo of the gym and old theater, sent even my own senses haywire.
I watched her struggle as she was bumped into, plowed over, pushed and pulled and in general annoyed by the entire class. Yet, she persevered amid the chaos making me proud and when it came time to learn a tap dance, she was ready.
Through it all, my daughter stuck it out and after her first six weeks were completed, she decided she wanted to be in the November winter performance. I was surprised and a little nervous but we always support her. I paid for another six weeks of classes and paid the costume fee.
She learned the routines, perfecting each one and then slowly as the weeks progressed, she started backtracking. She no longer wanted to be in the recital, convincing her to practice was a struggle and I could see her self-combusting before my eyes. She was frightened to perform on stage and in front of an audience. Honestly, who wouldn’t be?
The week leading up to her performance, she threw a few tantrums, refused to go and was a pent up mess of tears. Even the day of the performance, with her grandma and papa having traveled four hours to see her, she was melting down. She was deathly afraid of making a mistake.
I had visions, blinding moments of panic straight out of a parent’s nightmare that she would throw a fit on stage or dissolve into tears and just stand there with the audience watching. I knew this was a possibility because that’s exactly what she did during an assembly where she received a reward! My nightmares were real!
An hour before her performance, we dressed her in the cutest red velvet dress and styled her hair. I put a little blush on her cheeks and she looked so stinking adorable, I almost couldn’t handle it! She seemed ready and thrilled with her outfit.
We get to the old gym and take our seats as we wait for her to grace the stage with her class. She walks out and takes her place, right in the front. Amid my shaking hands, she looks at all of us and gives us the biggest smile. We wait and we wait…the music doesn’t start and the kids start looking a little confused. The dance teacher quickly takes the stage and that’s when we notice there is a child missing. From the back of the stage, we hear the wailing cries of a little girl.
After a few minutes, with the dance instructor unable to convince the poor little girl to take her place on stage, the music starts. My daughter starts the tap routine with poise and confidence. She performs each move effortlessly and even looks as if she’s having fun. Throughout the performance, I hear a bit of subtle laughter although my eyes are completely on her.
I hear my mom and husband laughing and whispering. I look and sure enough, not just one but two little girls are refusing to dance. One little girl, positioned right in the middle, has her arms crossed across her chest and is looking straight at the floor, refusing to dance or even move. It’s really cute and funny although I’m sure her parents are slightly mortified.
When the performance ends, I see my daughter looking over at the commotion and I can see the pride in her face. She wasn’t the one freaking out this time and in a strange twist of fate, our dance teacher decided to have the girls perform the dance again. So they do! My daughter performs a second performance that’s even better than the last. The other little girl is still stamping her feet on stage, refusing to look up!
When I pick her up from the stage, presenting her with pink carnations, she’s beaming with pride. We watch the rest of the performances and then we get a surprise visit from Elsa! She’s belts out “Let it Go” and then the music dies. She’s singing completely acapella. The music starts again and she sings the song over again pretending as if the technical problem never happened. As she’s leaving the stage, she unfortunately trips on her dress and falls to her knees!
The audience gasps, my daughter is horrified for her and then she stands up with a smile and curtsies. We all start cheering and give her a standing ovation. My daughter is watching all of this and I know she realizes that there is nothing unusual about making a mistake. It happens to every dancer, every performer and every person or child everywhere on this earth. It’s how you manage the mistake that’s important.
With the performances over, the dance teacher invites everyone on stage to take a picture with Elsa. My daughter jumps up out of her seat and races to the stage to be first in line. I’m shocked to say the least. This is the child that clutches my hand in crowds, this is the child that had a hard time in lines at Disney land!
For all the weeks leading up to the performance as I inwardly cringed, fearing that my daughter would melt down on stage, I hadn’t considered that other children might also be struggling in the same way. For those two little girls who refused to dance…they made the night! It was cute, it was relatable and I can’t say I blame them! I hope when their parents look back at that night, they laugh! It will make for a great story down the road! As for me, I’m full of pride and relief! My daughter conquered a big fear and made a memory that fills her little soul with happiness!
