Becoming a parent is a selfless job. Where once Friday nights were spent hanging out at bars or clubs, enjoying concerts, binge watching TV shows or just sleeping in late, you now find yourself in an endless loop, of sporting events, kids birthday parties, grocery shopping and in our case, Sunday School which means sleeping in is no longer an option.
This role is not only selfless, it’s also really enjoyable. Your interests change and whether you mean to or not, you vicariously live through your children. Their firsts become your firsts. Their triumphs become your triumphs. And their heart aches become your heart aches. After all, you’re growing tiny humans and they require lots of devotion.
As tired as I am most weekends, I enjoy the soccer games, the dance recitals and the kid’s birthday parties. I love cheering for my daughter’s soccer games. Even when they lose or she misses a shot at the goal, there is always a lesson to learn. When my youngest has butterflies in her stomach before her recitals, I use these as teachable moments. Birthday parties are a great way to learn social skills and I’ll admit, there is nothing more special than seeing a child’s eyes light up over a birthday candle.
However, there is one day a year that I absolutely dread. In the days leading up to this particular event, I find myself losing sleep and praying to God that my child will be able to either handle the opportunity or accept the rejection with grace. I also have to utilize my amazing mom speech powers. I have to be ready to lift my daughter up in the event of catastrophe and my words have to be on point. This last year though…I never imagined that Game of Thrones (an adult HBO show) would come up in one of my pep talks. Let me explain…
For one week out of every school year, always in the winter, there is a traveling theater group that comes to our school, holds a long chaotic group addition and then puts on a musical in four days. The audition is brutal with only a few roles available for each grade, from kindergarten through eighth grade. They only select between fifty and sixty students out of about a hundred and twenty kids. The majority of the roles go to the kindergartners and first graders. For each grade after that, they only select a small number.
I absolutely hate play audition day….but my daughter has no idea!
I lovingly bring her to this audition every year. I stay for the full two hours in which there is absolutely nothing to prepare for. I watch the children get divided into height groups, repeat lines, sing songs, dance and do other crazy antics in a gym with a hollow echo. Then I watch the actors select the children to be in the play using insane casting methods which honestly appears random.
After the selection, there is a pandemonium of cheering and a despairing feeling as the children who didn’t get chosen slunk off to their parents in tears. It’s almost too heart breaking for me to watch. Even children who have been selected before, get rejected. They may have been the most talented child out there and by some random clip-board wielding actor, they get crossed off the list.
There was one year, I watched my daughter, proudly repeat her lines loudly and clearly with the brightest smile on her face. She was adorable and engaging, parents around me were commenting and they chose the stoic child standing next to her.
Then, I drive home a severely bummed out child who wants to know what she did wrong. I have to give her all the same speeches, all the same builds up, emphasize the fact she’s brave and it takes courage to audition but still…I just hate it. I hate it because no matter what I say, it just doesn’t wipe away the hurt and disappointment.
Last year, unable to cope with the audition, we almost didn’t go. I relented in the end. I sat by the door, unable to watch, reading a fantasy novel in order to escape this grim reality of audition day, when I hear the final selection of names. I hear my daughter’s name being called out. Honestly, it was the happiest moment of her life and mine! I had never seen her so excited!
For the next four days, she learned lines, songs, dance moves and performed wonderfully! Her grandparents drove four hours just to see her perform. After the show had ended and life returned to normal, she made plans for the next year.
For an entire year, I have heard her speak of the play as if she was already in it. I have cringed inside at every mention. She auditioned this year but given her age, the lines were more difficult and complicated. She became tongue tied over many of the phrases and after an hour, she knew she wasn’t going to be selected.
She bravely handled the rejection, she clapped for her classmates who had been chosen and then dissolved into tears once she saw me. This was the first time she had truly found a reason as to why she wasn’t cast in the play. As I’m bringing her out, wanting to bury my own head in the sand, I see the other children with heads hung down low from rejection and my heart breaks.
As I’m in the car with her, I start in with my same pep talk and I can tell she’s not buying it and she’s tired of mom’s little speeches. So, this is how, Game of Thrones ends up in one of my life lesson talks. Yep, I’m not completely proud of this one and I never imagined, I would be using Game of Thrones as a way to build my ten-year-old daughter up but hear me out…
I’m not into star gossip but I happened to read an article on Facebook about the actor, Sam Heughan, who is the leading hunk on my favorite show, Outlander. He had been rejected from Game of Thrones seven times before landing the role of Jamie Fraser. My daughter knows, even though she’s not allowed to watch either of these shows, they are both my favorites and they are both massively popular.
I wish I could have used a Disney channel star reference but this was the only thing that popped into my mind and I went for it. I relayed the story back to her and between her sniffling, she looks up and says, “Really? Wow! He never gave up did he?”
“No, he didn’t!” I replied.
She dried her tears, perked up and made plans to audition again next year.
I survived another awful play audition with a little help from Game of Thrones. I suppose, the audition is much like the TV show. Little children and teenagers, fighting and competing for the main roles or even just a small role, the iron throne being the stage and all just trying to survive winter.
I know with every rejection, every pep talk I have to give and every success that comes her way, it will be well worth it. She will gain wisdom, courage, perseverance and bravery. Still though, I wish it wasn’t so hard and just for this one day, I wish it could be easier. I’ll always hate play audition day but as long as she wants to try out, I’ll always support her and in case of disaster, I’ll have one of my strange little speeches prepared! Hopefully, something a little deeper than being rejected by Game of Thrones.
