I met my husband when we were teenagers. He was a year older and already had been sworn into the United States Navy. A year-and-a-half later, we were a couple on our way to becoming engaged. My husband is a very intelligent man and he was placed into one of the more difficult jobs of the Navy. Oddly enough, in the first few years we were together, he avoided introducing me to anyone in his division. I had met many of his other comrades but not particularly the men he actually worked with.
I assumed that he was worried they might hit on me or quite possibly, say disgusting things around me. I couldn’t have been more wrong. The real truth, was slightly more hilarious. There was a reason why my husband wasn’t best friends with anyone in his division. They were a group of highly intelligent, socially inept characters with big egos and glaring reasons why they remained single.
I slowly came to understand this. One of the first times I came into contact with their social ineptness, was over the phone.
My husband’s ship had just pulled into San Diego, California. Against his better judgement, he went out with a group of men from his division. He called me later that evening from a motel room to say Hi. As I spoke with him, my heart fluttering with love, I heard arguing in the background. He tells me to ignore the commotion and starts telling me about his day. The arguing in the background grows steadily louder and I hear swearing. That saying, “Curse like a sailor,” was going into full effect.
“What’s going on?” I demand.
“Oh, don’t worry about it.” He tells me
The yelling grows louder. “Seriously, what’s going on over there? It sounds like a fight.”
“Just a bunch of guys being immature.” He whispers into the phone and goes out into the motel hallway.
We talk for a few more minutes and I’m smiling ear to ear at the very sound of his voice. Then I hear it again, the fighting has grown louder and the swearing has reached a new level of talent.
“Babe! What’s going on? That sounds like a pretty serious fight!”
“I’m serious.” He tells me in a really casual voice. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Are you all drinking? Is that what this is? Are you all drunk and fighting?”
“I’m not babe. I swear. I’ve had a few beers but that’s it. Don’t worry about it.”
Suddenly I hear threats…the fighting has escalated to the point of violence and I hear them threatening each other!
My husband puts the phone down and yells at his men to, “Shut up!”
My mouth is opened, my heart is pounding and my husband is now yelling at them. I listen as closely as I can and then I start making out the words they are saying. My mind has formulated its own choice words as I realize the complete stupidity over the argument that has now escalated into a fight. They are fighting over Freddy vs. Jason! They are threatening each other over a horror movie and who is going to win!
As soon as my husband gets back on the phone with me, I say. “Freddy vs. Jason! They are fighting over Freddy vs. Jason! For real? That’s the most idiotic argument I’ve ever listened to!
My husband let’s out an audible sigh. “I know. I shouldn’t have gone out with them.”
My poor husband lost a few brain cells that night but it has remained by far, the most hilarious and ridiculous argument I have ever listened to in all my life. He has many more stories about his division but for the sake of this blog, they’re not appropriate. Needless to say, my husband later on in his Navy career switched jobs and joined the military police. I can’t say I blamed him.
