I have never understood why many women feel the need to continually cut each other down. I honestly believed that this was just a High School thing. Unfortunately in many cases, mean girls grow up to be mean women. It truly is a shame. We live in a society that continually talks about empowering woman. So, why is this still a problem? I wish I had an easy answer but I don’t.
I hated High School. I went to what I consider, “A mean girls school.” I hoped when I attended college it would change. It did in some aspects but in others, it was still the same group of mean girls turning into mean women.
I graduated from a technical course and was hired at my first job. Once again, I worked for seven years in the rumor filled world of women who pretend to be your friend but will jump at the first opportunity to spread vicious gossip about you. It was a truly sad world. I endured it. I wanted a paycheck, a career and then I wanted to come home to my husband and enjoy my life.
When I became a mother at the age of twenty-five. I wasn’t prepared for the world of mom’s. I honestly believed that women by now, would have changed. My pregnancy was a surprise, I was young, I only had one other friend who had a child and now with a baby daughter, I attempted to navigate another new world.
The mom who first cut me down was a neighbor. I barely knew her, I certainly never hung out with her but in passing as I sat in my yard playing with my daughter, she would insult me in ways that I allowed to hurt me.
I’m a parent who believes that children need to experience their would through touch and play. Not a sanitized bubble version but an outdoor world with sand, water and dirt. As I planted flowers with my toddler, letting her dig in the dirt with her little plastic trowel, this woman’s daughter runs up to us in excitement. “Mommy! Mommy! Can I help?”
“No, that’s dirty!” She shrieks while giving me a disgusted look.
I’m not going to lie, that stung. Shortly afterwards, she complained that a tree frog had jumped into our wading pool. For the next few years, through the birth of my second daughter, as much as I tried to avoid her, the insults continued. She openly disliked the color we painted our house. She let me know how disgusting it was that I take my children to the lake to swim. As if public pools are any cleaner!
The entire charade came crashing down the day she lectured me on trash build up around my home following a windstorm on garbage day. That very night she was caught by another neighbor of mine letting her dog poop in my yard. She was called out and I never heard another insult from her again.
Fortunately they moved away and my oldest daughter started preschool. For the first time in my life, I discovered that there are actually other encouraging mom’s out there. Moms that are empowering to one another, love each other unconditionally, respect each others opinions and want the best for all children.
I’ve learned to have a tough skin. I’m now in my mid-thirties and I truly don’t care what other people think of me. I like me. I’m proud of the woman I am. I have two incredible daughters and a house full of laughter!
I think back to that poor woman, I feel nothing but sorrow for her. How miserable of a person would you have to be to purposely pick on a new mom? I wonder what truly was going on in the dark recesses of her home life. I hope she’s changed.
So, to all mom’s out there! Don’t be that person. That mean girl attitude that you used to have, leave it in High School. If we truly want to make the world a better place for women, then we have to stop tearing each other down. We are bringing up the next generation. Children repeat what they see. They are watching you and attempting to follow in your footsteps. Be the mom, who above all else, chooses kindness.
