I’m having one of those weeks where absolutely everything in my life has piled up all at once. I can’t really compare it to a trash heap. It’s more like a collection of projects that have either completed themselves or are just starting and it’s all coming at me like a snowball rolling down a hill. To top it all off, we have decided to put our house on the market. We’re attempting to fulfill our dream of living out in the country.
This means deep cleaning and decluttering. It means six hours of power washing. It means filling up our already full garage with items we need but have to live without. It means constant nagging and barking at the kids to keep everything clean. It means not being able to fulfill everything on the long list your real estate agent gave you. It means money out of your pocket and the stress of finances. It means your phone constantly buzzing with messages while you’re at work. It’s worrying about a future that hasn’t happened yet.
Usually, I’m the one with the answers. I’m the one handing out advice to my loved ones. I’m the one everyone turns to when they have a problem. Today, the problem is all mine and I will try to work it out as best as I can. What I can safely tell myself is that life is messy. It’s beautiful. It’s crazy. It’s heartbreaking. It’s wonderful. We navigate ups and downs. We encounter situations we aren’t prepared for. We have times of sadness and times of complete joy. Life isn’t easy and most importantly, it’s normal.
I’ve written in other blog posts of mine about how I’ve become comfortable with my life. Yesterday, my husband came home and looked at me strangely. He said for the first time in years, I had a fire in my eyes that he has rarely seen. He was initially frightened. He considered at first that my smoldering rage was directed at him or at someone in general. When he realized it wasn’t him and I was just fed up with the craziness of life. He was amazed and for some strange reason, he found it attractive.
He reminded me that I was fighting again. That I was embracing my own crazy reality. I was battling all my own personal demons with wisdom and bravery. I was sticking up for myself and our family. I wasn’t lying down and crying. (Which is perfectly fine to do, no judgement here!) Most importantly, I wasn’t accepting the good enough mentality.
I’m going to continue reminding myself to breath and to have faith. It will all work itself out and if it doesn’t, that’s okay too. I will keep fighting!
