As a busy mom with a husband who works long hours, I’ve learned to juggle two kids while running errands, cleaning house and writing. When they were little and not yet in school, this was difficult but I learned to handle it. Surprisingly, a majority of the other moms I would talk to, could not. This was a territory I had no experience with and yet I found myself handing out tips and giving advice.
The concept of a person unable to leave the house because of two small children seemed completely foreign to me. After some serious thinking on the subject, I came to the conclusion that these women had become completely dependent on their spouse and that’s not a healthy position to be in. Their day didn’t truly start or begin unless their spouse was with them. They couldn’t manage the grocery store or errands without their spouse. They couldn’t take their kids to the park without their spouse. A play date…forget it! Cleaning the house, that requires two people, right?
To make matters worse, when work required their spouse to be be gone for long hours, or weekends, they grew bitter and resentful, blaming their spouse on their misery. They were waiting…waiting for their spouse to make them happy. They were waiting for the kids to make them happy. Their very idea of happiness revolved around someone else. If you are waiting for someone else to hold your hand and make you happy then you are going to be waiting for a very long time.
So don’t wait!
By the time my second was born, I learned that in life you can’t wait on someone else to fulfill that sense of happiness. Happiness, contentedness, that comes from you. My husband was always around when our first was born. He helped me with every step and then by the time our second came around, he was working two jobs and going to school. At first it was a little isolating and frustrating but I stopped waiting for him. I took the kids to museums, parks, play dates, I ran errands and visited family…all without him.
For a time in our life, we actually had to schedule family time and write it on the calendar. Now, when I look back on all that hard work, I’m proud. We have a wonderful life now and more time together. I love my husband, he is my soul mate, he is the man I love to wake up to in the mornings and the man I love to fall asleep with at night but my happiness is not dependent on him. My success is not dependent on him.
Go out and find your own happiness. If you’re worried about navigating the world with small children, then take baby steps at first. Try a park where you know the bathroom is decent. Be comfortable using a stroller on your own. Plan the outing around nap times and bring snacks. As for the dreaded grocery store, take small trips at first. Just fill your cart up with the necessities or try ordering your groceries and doing a parking lot pick up. Find a moms group to join or ask if a play date can be at your house. Treat yourself to an evening away from the children. Whatever you do, just stop waiting and live your life.
Happiness is truly a state of mind!
