Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday but this year, in the lead up to the holiday season, our family has dealt with loss. This was the first year my grandmother on my mom’s side was not able to share in the meal as she is bound to a bed at a nursing home. This was the first year other family members were absent due to family issues that can no longer be resolved.
My Aunt passed away suddenly. It was a deep blow to our lives. Although we only saw each other a couple times a year and dropped a few notes to each other on social media, I can’t imagine a world where she no longer exists. She’s always been there, a figure in our lives, since I was born. Shortly after her death, her first grandchild also passed away at only one month of age. My two cousins, young men still in their twenties are dealing with losses I can hardly fathom.
I cried for each of them when I heard the news. Yet, I can’t help but to picture their reunion. My baby cousin passed away and was delivered straight into the arms of my aunt, his grandmother. It’s a comforting thought, knowing that they are together. Anyone who knew my aunt, knows she wasn’t a person to ever be messed with so I can’t imagine a better place for my little cousin to be. Resting with both God and his grandmother.
On Thanksgiving morning, I woke up with a sore throat. As I battled the start of this cold, my dad asked me if I wanted to visit my grandmother, uncles and cousins. I started to shake my head as I sometimes have unsettled emotions with that side of the family and with an illness bearing down on me, I didn’t feel up to it. I quickly changed my mind knowing I needed to be there.
I’m so thankful that I made that decision. I was greeted with warm hugs and thankful smiles. I didn’t walk into a house of grieving, even though I knew the grief was present. I walked into a house of warmth, acceptance and hope for the future. I walked into a home of people who knew exactly where their loved one had gone. Although we had invited them to Thanksgiving dinner, they were content to just stay home and carry on with their own tradition.
I held the glass heart containing my aunt, touched the spray of her ashes, knowing how precious this item was and felt my soul at peace.
At dinner, we sat at the table, feeling the weight between us all and knowing that so many integral people were missing. My mom summed it all up when she noted during her Thanksgiving toast about the losses but in that same moment, she also praised every new member sitting at our table.
It was a wonderful day and one I will never forget. My normally crazy, hilariously unpolished family had a simple holiday of remembrance and rebirth.
