Recently our family had to make the difficult decision of putting our beloved fifteen-year- old dog down. This was a moment and a decision we had been preparing for. Our biggest concern in making this decision was considering how our daughters would feel. The very idea of crushing their young souls was heartbreaking. As a parent you want to shield your child away from the bad reality of life. You want to fill their small minds with nothing but kindness and happiness, butterflies and rainbows.
As a child I grew up on a farm. Animals dying, being put down or slaughtered for food was common. Everyday spent in the green lush fields of my childhood home, was an experience of life cycles. My husband on the other hand, grew up with only house dogs, and for him this decision was extremely devastating. For our children, this would be their first experience with death.
We knew shielding them was not the answer. Neither was lying to them. Growing up in the 1980s, I remember friends and relatives, sneaking their family pets out of the house and making up a story for their kids about this amazing farm their beloved pet had gone to. Now, we call it the Rainbow Bridge. If you’re not familiar with the tale, I encourage you to read the story.
We sat both the girls down, told them about the Rainbow Bridge and explained that our dog was in a lot of pain and she was not going to get better. We then told the girls that we had made the decision to put her down. It was a tearful conversation, we all cried. They asked very difficult questions and then withdrew from us to go upstairs. I remember thinking, “We crushed them. We should have lied and told them the story of the amazing farm we took our dog to.”
The following day, was the longest day of our lives. We hugged and loved on our dog. The girls and I took her for a walk, gave her treats and took some photographs of her to cherish. We also said our private goodbyes. We drove her up the veterinarian office and as much as I encouraged the girls to say their final goodbyes, they just couldn’t. In fact, they appeared far removed from the situation. I realized that this was their coping method. Children are resilient, they have a way of distancing themselves from situations that are difficult.
My husband and I, sat with our beloved dog as she took her last breath and left us for the Rainbow Bridge. My oldest daughter had nothing to say as we prepared to leave but our youngest had some very direct questions. She truly didn’t understand death. She asked us, “Did you see her disappear? Did you watch her soul go to heaven? Did the angels come?” I explained to her that your body is just a home for your soul. The soul goes to heaven but the physical body remains. She didn’t seem to buy this explanation, so she asked if she could see our dog. We took her in the room and she looked over our dog for a minute before asking to leave.
We worried that we traumatized her but she seemed content in her new found knowledge. We let their teachers know about the death in our family and although our girls expressed their sadness, they handled it with maturity. I think it’s important for kids to understand death. There are ways it can be explained that are age appropriate. I believe it is the unknown that frightens them the most.
Losing a pet is a heartbreaking experience. I still look for our dog, in the yard, by the couch, by our bed as we sleep. I still remember how she felt, leaning up against me as I breastfed my babies. She helped my children to grow and in death taught them a valuable lesson.
My husband asked me a few weeks later, how I managed to cope with her death so well. I explained to him that it was my upbringing on the farm. Death was all around me but in all that reality, there was life! So much life that my heart still returns to those fields. In my heart, I know that’s where my dog is. She is surrounded again by life and someday we will all return to her.
