I wasn’t familiar with the term co-sleeping until I was surprised with my first pregnancy. Co-sleeping in my family was something completely foreign. My brother and I slept in our own beds and we never even thought twice about sleeping in our parents beds unless we had a nightmare.
Nightmares, illnesses, emotional upsets and the odd time we just couldn’t sleep, we would wander across the hall in our pajamas and jump in between mom and dad, knowing we’d be comforted. We’d stay for a few hours or sometimes the entire night but most of the time, after a few comforting hours of knowing mom and dad were there, we’d wander back to our room’s content to crawl back inside our own covers.
As we grew older, we came to understand that our parents had boundaries and so did we. Our rooms, our beds, were our own personal spaces. We sought refuge there, we played, we explored, we read and as we grew older we talked to our friends on the phone in privacy. We were allowed to have our own time away from the family. My parents gave us that space, they respected the boundaries of our rooms and in turn we respected theirs.
I’m a loving and nurturing parent but I’ve never encouraged co-sleeping and my children have never expressed a need or want to sleep with us. I feel absolutely no guilt around that either. The last time my oldest had a nightmare, she tried to sleep with us and within fifteen minutes, she asked if she could return to her room.
I’ve been fortunate though. My children have always been easy sleepers. They don’t suffer from nightmares or night terrors. We haven’t been dealt with traumas in our life that makes us afraid to sleep on our own. We don’t feel the need to be consistently connected in that way. When my husband is away on business trips, my girls and I usually have a sleep over in my bed. Usually, only one child makes it through the night while the other sneaks off to her own bedroom. I wake up the next morning, tired and sore from little feet jabbing me in the ribs.
A quick google search on co-sleeping and you will find many articles stating the benefits and myths regarding co-sleeping. My opinions apparently fall under the myth category but from personal experience, I’m still not convinced. I do know that it would not work for my husband and I unless there was a special circumstance.
You see, my husband and I, need that space. We long for that space. We devote our entire lives to our children and we balance it around working. When night time rolls around and we usher the kids off to bed, it becomes our time. We need that time…to connect, to have an adult conversation, to stream a show off Amazon Prime or watch a comedy. We also need the physical intimacy that is so vital to a relationship. Sparks can’t fly with children sleeping in our bed.
Another reason why we don’t co-sleep is because when I became a new mom, I was confronted with a lot of co-sleeping parents. They were wonderful parents and they each had their own reasons why they chose to allow their toddlers to sleep in their beds each night. They chided me on the fact I wasn’t co-sleeping. But with each and every one, they had their own sets of problems. Breaking the habit was difficult and bordered impossible. It caused strife in their marriage and sleeping issues. I witnessed tears and heartaches over something that maybe shouldn’t have gotten started in the first place. More often than not, the husband hated the co-sleeping and I had to wonder, “Do these couples even have sex anymore?” Maybe that’s just me. Perhaps, I’m the only one feels this way and it’s completely based off how I was raised.
My goal for my children has always been to create healthy, functioning people that contribute and benefit our society. Co-sleeping for me, feels like a step in the wrong direction.
I don’t in anyway mean to judge or belittle parents that do choose to co-sleep. I know some incredible parents with equally incredible kids, who co-sleep. It works for their families and they enjoy that bond. And if they are finding a way to happily get it on in other areas of their house or they are making the time for intimate connection, then I applaud them. It’s a personal choice…but for me and my husband, it’s just not going to happen.
